by Samuel Nicosia, Professional Photographer
Seeing A Wedding From The Other Side Of The Camera For The First Time...
I will never forget the obstetrician's words as my baby daughter was
being born. Those words have bellowed within my mind for some 24 years since
that blessed event took place. I can still hear that doctor saying "Congratulations,
it's a girl. Start saving your money now. You will have to pay for a wedding."
I suddenly began to realize that one day this wonderful little bundle would
undoubtedly cost me more than I could possibly imagine. For the time being,
though, I shoved that thought to the back of my mind and concentrated on
the happiness of the moment.
As the years went by, my first thoughts back at the time of her birth began
to come true. As she reached her teens, the phone calls were never ending,
and the door bell rang continuously. Boys appeared from out of nowhere.
When the phone or doorbell rang, I would, without hesitation, make up stories
that she was out with a friend, or that she did not care to speak with anyone
at the moment. Well, that worked for a while, until they caught on to my
connivance.
As she matured, one young man in particular was over at our house almost
every day, and, for a while, I felt like I, instead of his father, should
be able to claim him as a tax exemption. It seemed as though he was always
at the dinner table across from me every time I would look up from my plate.
At night I would constantly be stumbling over him when I got up from the
television to grab a snack, as he lay at my feet, stretched out like he
owned the place.
Eventually, one day while I was doing some bridal studio formals, the door
of the studio opened, and behold, there he was again. He asked if he could
speak to me for a moment about something very important. I excused myself
from my portrait session, and stepped outside with the young man without
a thought. He came straight to the point with the statement that he loved
my daughter and wanted to marry her. My jaw dropped in surprise, and I said
that I would have to speak with him later because I had a client waiting
for me in the studio and I did not have time at the moment to discuss the
matter. I then made a dumb statement to the effect of, "Why would you
want to marry my daughter? Don't you realize that she does not do dishes
and sleeps until 12 noon every day?" He then replied, "I love
her anyway."
Before I could finish my bridal formals, he had spread the news all over
the house. By the time I came out of the studio, everyone was talking wedding
plans, and I mean "Big Bucks" type of wedding plans. I was then
apparently thrown into the background, ignored, and no one even seemed to
care what my answer was or cared to consult me about anything that had just
transpired. The women in my family were overwhelmed and elated with excitement
over the whole affair. All I could do at that point was to simply lay back
and go with the flow.
The plans were taking shape as I kind of stood in the background. It looked
to me like they knew what they were doing, and I guess they did, since we
were in the business for the last 15 years. Also, by being in the business
as we were, obstacles were created. I was then consulted about hiring people
to work the wedding. Working with various friends who did weddings tended
to create friction when it came down to who was going to do this or that.
We suddenly realized that we had better watch what we were doing, or hard
feelings would ensue. We were caught between the proverbial rock and a hard
place. Who would we hire to do the various functions associated with putting
on a wedding? My wife's sister was a caterer. We also had photographer,
video, florist, and other caterer friends. Who would we dare leave out?
We would have liked to have the affair at one of the nicer reception places,
but that would have created many problems. Praise God, though, someone came
up with the idea to rent a large hall and get as many large and small services
from as many of our friends as possible.
First of all, a friend of my daughter got us one of the nicer halls in the
area, and at a very affordable rate. Next, my wife got her sister to cater
the affair, also one of her best friends who is a florist to do the flowers,
an old school friend of mine who runs a limo service for that job, and one
of our two video friends whom we recommend to do video. Luckily the other
video friend also owns and operates a reception place and caters, so we
got the wedding cakes from them. From another reception place who recommends
us for weddings, we got one of their specialty foods so that they did not
feel left out. The other people from there on just fell into place. At last,
all was set up with what we felt was a minimum of hard feelings.
At long last the day of the wedding had finally arrived. Now we would actually
see our long hours of planning take place, and, hopefully, it would be successful.
That morning the entire house was in a frenzy. The women all left to go
to the beauty salon before noon, although the wedding wasn't until that
night. I never could figure out why it takes so long to have a few hairs
put in place. I, more or less, basically hung around watching and reacting
to whatever was going on while they were gone.
When the ladies returned from the hair salon, the other bridesmaids began
to arrive. They went around the house in a tizzy. They were doing each other's
nails, dressing each other, and really looking nervous. I was still very
calm and could not envision why all the commotion. All I could think of
was that I go through this every weekend with other people and most everything
runs smoothly, so why is everyone so uptight, especially my wife who works
weddings with me and helps calm people down.
Finally, the moment had arrived and everyone was dressed and ready to start
pictures. We had planned to do the formals in the studio. I had decided
to do a few pictures of my 10-year-old son (who thought he looked like James
Bond in his tuxedo.) The ladies started filtering into the studio gradually.
My wife came in to tell me that I would have to start the formals because
our photographer had just called to say that he was hung up at a previous
wedding and would be a little late. OK, I had no problem with that, because
I wasn't the least bit nervous. I even took pictures of my family with me
in them by getting the video lady to stand in my place, then swapping with
her after focusing and framing the picture so she could release the camera
shutter.
I did all the formals, and as we were going out the front door to the limos,
our photographer arrived. The first thing he asked was to get a picture
of my daughter and me coming out the front door. Well, that's when it hit
me. I had never been on the other end of the camera for a wedding, and that's
when my nerves began to come unglued. We did shots in the front yard and
getting into the limo. By that time I had become as nervous as the ladies.
While riding in the limo to the church, my son had a ball with the TV, radio,
and electric sun roof. All I could think of was all those people in that
church staring at me on that long walk up the aisle. When my daughter and
I were brought through the back doors of the church after everyone else
had walked up, all I could see were faces turned around looking at us. The
music played and neither one of us made a move until the florist pushed
us out into the aisle. My wife said that my daughter and I looked as white
as sheep. I could not believe that I had reacted as I did because I never
had that problem as long as there was a camera in my hand.
We finally made it to the altar and stood there for what seemed an eternity.
All I kept repeating to myself was to remember to say, "her mother
and I," and not, "me and my mother," nor, "my mother
and I," when the preacher asked, "who gives her away." I
also had to remember not to step on her train after kissing her, as one
former father-of-the-bride did in a wedding a couple of months before. He
unfortunately ripped the train off her dress. Luckily it was attached with
velcro.
After I did my part on the altar, I finally got to sit down. I calmed down
immensely after that. It seemed strange watching people that we work with
all the time doing their jobs while we sat and were catered to. Everyone
said that I would probably be watching everything the photographer did to
criticize him, but I honestly trusted him, because he was a friend of mine
and I knew that he was experienced.
After the ceremony, everyone had settled down. As we were leaving the church
to get into the limos, we discovered that there was no police escort. That
disorganized the entire procession going to the reception and tended to
scatter everyone their own ways. As a result, some people arrived at the
hall late.
Once at the reception, I had to go to the back of the hall to check on the
bar and the caterers to make sure that they had all they needed. Every so
often during the reception someone would come looking for me to make a decision
about what to do when something ran low. I, consequently, had to keep alert
and could not really relax and enjoy myself.
The photographer started the pictures upon entering the hall and once that
was finished, the bride had to do her three dances, which I had to participate
in. Most of my time at the reception was spent kissing and talking to people
that I sometimes didn't even know (from my son-in-law's side of the family.)
About half an hour into the reception, it started storming and the lights
went out throughout the entire hall. All I could think of was that with
all our planning, we just didn't figure on the unknown taking place. Thank
God, though, the lights all came back on in a couple of minutes.
After the reception was over and my daughter and my new son-in-law had left
for their honeymoon, the real work began. We had to start loading all the
presents into the car as well as all the leftover food, which took two full
recreational vehicles to haul to my house to unload. By the time we all
finished with everything, sometime early the next morning, we were all exhausted
and just fell into bed.
One lesson learned from this wedding was that it was approximately 95% successful.
Few weddings ever end up in a total disaster. The pictures, video, food,
flowers, etc., were excellent despite all our anxiety. The main reason,
of course, was because we had hired experienced professionals who knew what
they were doing. Our wedding plans, we felt, were successful also, because
they were blessed of God.
Another lesson learned from this event, and the most important one as far
as I was concerned as a photographer, was that I now know what it is like
on the other end of a camera, and have since changed my outlook and approach
towards what the father of the bride must go through to have and to keep
the love of Daddy's Little Girl.